The Favor that I Save for Later

I am a muffin with no coffee.
I am a baby made of broken dreams.
I’m a haircut with no scissors.
I am a donut with poisoned cream.

I am the news man Andy Rooney.
People only wonder if I’m Mickey’s Dad.
I am Tom Hank’s biggest black fan.
This just means I don’t really exist.

I am a creepy looking clown doll.
You wanna play with your transformers instead.
I am Kavinsky with no Nightcall.
I am a beetle without a head.

I am a seagull who ate an old diaper
And Imma puking on your car windshield.
I am like the show The Chicago Code.
I try too hard to be like The Shield.

I am a can of Mr. Pibb.
I am the lion in the well.
I am the finger in the jam jar.
I am the bathroom at Taco Bell.

An 18th Century Encounter with Wombats and Wolves

WHACK! I batted a wombat off of me.
BANG! I shot a musket at that taut rat.
WANG! I heard a shot turd shoot past my knee.
WAYNE! I called for “Wayne, where was you at!?”

FRICK! I swatted and swore. I swayed so sweet.
SNAP! I snapped in half a wombat’s bad back.
HA! These horrid hairballs haven’t the heat!
FOO! The fight is finished, for I fought flacks!

WHA!? Where did these wolves walk in from in waves?
OW! Bastard bit me bum, badly I bleed.
NO! Stay away! Help! I need to be saved!
ACK! Tell my caring Kathy I craved mead.

WOOF! Imma wolf eating this boy’s guts.
YUM! Next take Alex, who likes to say “Sluts”