The Favor that I Save for Later

I am a muffin with no coffee.
I am a baby made of broken dreams.
I’m a haircut with no scissors.
I am a donut with poisoned cream.

I am the news man Andy Rooney.
People only wonder if I’m Mickey’s Dad.
I am Tom Hank’s biggest black fan.
This just means I don’t really exist.

I am a creepy looking clown doll.
You wanna play with your transformers instead.
I am Kavinsky with no Nightcall.
I am a beetle without a head.

I am a seagull who ate an old diaper
And Imma puking on your car windshield.
I am like the show The Chicago Code.
I try too hard to be like The Shield.

I am a can of Mr. Pibb.
I am the lion in the well.
I am the finger in the jam jar.
I am the bathroom at Taco Bell.